It's all good...

Day 3 Without Supervision

The Dude went away and left me with the monsters for the week.   I'm trying to not just eat chips and dip all day while sitting right here in my pyjamas watching you tube clips of other people's cats...but it's harder than it looks.   The one with the cat who puts his head under the running tap?  Hilarious!  

So things I've done this week include...

1. Getting a dog license for Dodger.   He wandered off this weekend.   #1 let him out to pee and then went off to watch tv.  She came up at about 10am and asked me if he was in.   Usually when he's left outside he realizes that he's alone and goes the the door and knocks.   He actually knocks.  Either he didn't knock this time or he couldn't be heard over Spongebob Squarepants.  So he met a nice neighbour lady who concluded that he must be someone's dog and promptly called animal control.    He doesn't wear a tag because he's my first dog and I'm just figuring this stuff out.  Plus I hate how dogs jingle. The nice man at animal control brought him home and didn't charge me for it (note to Michelle...it's like a  $20 fine for an unlicensed dog here...)  So  I decided that I would make it legal and buy the license.   $7.    I guess it means he's staying.  

2. I bought cedar rails to replace the rotten ones on our cedar rail fence.   These cedar rail fences are useless decorative fences that are popular around here but don't actually keep anything out of anywhere.   It's posts with two holes in them and then you balance two long pieces of cedar in the holes.   Voila!   It's a decorative demarcation.   Until the deer hop the fence and knock them down.   Then it's just a pain in the arse.    But the cat likes to sharpen his claws on them so I mended the rotten ones.    Well, first I had to go off to Home Depot and man, are they bored on a Monday afternoon.   I must have been asked 8 times if they could help me.   I felt like a teenager in a corner store.    After deciding that I was actually going to try and work on this project I had a nice old gentleman help me load the 11 foot long rails into the car.    They hung out the back window in an elegant "we're just waiting for you to hit a bump so we can kill someone" kind of way.   The nice old gentleman asked if I wanted some white wine.   I said that I'd probably have a glass after I finished the project...turns out he asked if I wanted some light twine to tie up the rails. I wish they did sell wine.   Wine and power tools...that's a winning combo.  

It also turns out that the posts in our decorative fence are not uniformly spaced.   This will come as a huge surprise to those of you who are familiar with this house and the high, high quality of the workmanship that has gone into it over the years.    And we don't own an axe or a chainsaw.   So now I have several nice new rails that are too long to fit between the posts so one end is in the hole and the other is on the ground.   Next to the wine bottle.  

3. Project #3 was cleaning out the eavestroughs.   So I find the gas for the fancy blower thing (hate the blower thing but when we bought this place with its monster trees we figured we needed something bigger than a rake...big mistake)  and fill it up.   I get out the ladder and balance the fancy blower thing while climbing the ladder and then I have to find a good spot on the roof where I can hold it with my foot while pulling the make it goer cord thing.   I get it going for a bit and then it sputters and dies.   Like all things mechanical around here (or built since 1982) it's a piece of shit.   I resist the urge to throw it off the roof and then crawl around emptying the eavestroughs by hand.   I resist the urge to throw the blower thing at the two old ladies who are walking by and helpfully call out "don't fall off!" because if they hadn't called that out and I hadn't turned to look at them I wouldn't have lost my balance.    I didn't fall off but honestly!  

4. Project #4 is trying to get rid of an absolutely shittastic snowblower that the far too nice Dude bought from the neighbour lady.    The neighbour lady who sold us the house.   That should have been a clue that buying stuff from her was a bad, bad idea.   I'm sure she (and the homeowners) had no idea that the roof leaked...right into the kitchen sink... Not bitter, not bitter...moving on. So this POS comes home with him and it's a monster.   The first snowfall we find it doesn't work.  So it lives in the garage and prevents me from parking in the garage for two years.   I decide I have had enough of this thing and I'm going to sell it.   I put it on Craigslist - let's stop here and remind ourselves that I did not get us into this situation.   I did not walk into neighbour lady's garage and see her POS snowblower and still hand her $200 for it.    Had I gone to her garage and seen it...it would still be in her garage.    So after Craigslist did not turn up a buyer for this thing I turned to Freecycle.   I reasoned that anything that got the danged thing out of my garage and into someone else's was a win.    So now I'm emailing with a fellow who wants it but isn't sure it will fit into his trunk...I took some measurements and I'm thinking that it's not going to fit into any trunk.   And would I be able to help him lift it?    Uh...no...time to make friends with a strong guy who owns a pick up.    So the snowblower sits and waits for a new home.   Another task not quite accomplished. 

5. Project #6 is paying for my fingerprinting.   Now that I've finished the third and final exam to be a teacher in NYS I have to get fingerprinted - but before you can get fingerprinted, you must pay for it.   And then show a receipt.   And you can go online and fill out the form and pay for it.   If the page that you need to fill out is working.   Which it isn't.   But!  You can call and talk to someone about it.   If you get through the first time because there is no waiting on hold.  The message ends abruptly with "all of our agents are busy.  Goodbye."  after you've spent a few dollars trying to decide which button to push to actually get the information you need or to tell someone that their effing site is effed up.    So.  No fingerprinting.   

So that and a lot of laundry have filled the last 3 days unsupervised around here.    Who knows what trouble I'll get into tomorrow!

Because I have a lot of cleaning to do

I'm cleaning and prepping for a huge dinner tomorrow.   Thanksgiving!    Woot! 

I'm cooking two turkeys and I'm told it can be done although I know that I will screw it up...but there's lots of wine and my folks and sister are coming past the duty free so I'm guessing there will be plenty of beer as well.    Liquor always makes a family party go smoothly, doesn't it?   Doesn't it?  

So I'm passing this link on because I laughed so hard that I had tears rolling down my face.   It's NSFW - not safe for work - and you might want to shoo the children away or you're going to have some serious explaining to do about people with too much free time and access to knitting needles.   

Regretsy 

Happy Thanksgiving Y'all!

How You Doin'?

The Dude asked me how I was on Sunday afternoon and I said "fine"  

I meant it too.    I actually felt fine.   The last few months have been a bit of a nightmare - well, not really a nightmare but too busy and too stressful and too much.   I said I could do something that meant overextending myself.    You know that whole thing about riding a bike?   About how you never forget how to do something and that with a little practice it just comes right back for you?    It's somewhat not true. I mean, with lots and lots and lots of practice...it sort of comes back but the whole time you feel like you're on that bike and riding down Moffat's Hill without a helmet.   Just me?   Oh.  

You end up turning into a crazy freak who is so worried about this upcoming bike demo that you ruin your whole summer and tick off your friends who get sick of saying "everything is going to be just fine" and start to roll their eyes at you and are just as anxious as you are for the bike display to be over and for you to be able to talk about normal things again.    You become whiny and irritating and people start looking for ways to avoid you.   

And then you go for that bike ride.   And while it's definitely difficult and you're not enjoying it at all while it's happening, you don't fall and you don't crash and no one gets hurt.   

Talk about beating the hell out of an analogy, eh?  

So now it's over.  And I am fine.   It's like a monster weight has been lifted from my soul (but not my arse which suffered the stress eater's dilemma through it all).  

 All that's left is the laundry. 

(and some pictures)

   

It's not even funny anymore

When we moved to western New York from Austin we didn't have a lot of time to look for a house.    The Dude and I made a whirlwind trip up over the Easter weekend and looked at 200 houses in three days.   We had no concept of exactly where we should buy or what neighbourhoods or schools were the best fit for us.    We'd done a little research and knew we wanted to be on the east side of the major city but other than that we were wide open to where we would live. 

It wasn't a great way to look for a house.   It left us with too much area to cover and too many choices.    It didn't help that the area we were leaving was in a slump and the area where we were moving was in a boom.   We've got that kind of timing. 

We couldn't find a place to live on that first trip although we did put in a few offers.    We moved up with no knowledge of where we'd land.   

We found this place the first day we went looking and while it has had its ups and downs (and leaks and drips and carcinogenic flooring) it's really a nice house on a nice street.  The only problem really is that there are no kids on the street.    These are good sized houses with big lots that would be perfect for soccer games or football games or tag games or neighbourhood hide and seek games...but there are no kids here.    Most of our neighbours moved here in the early 70s and are still here - except they're in Florida for most of the winter.  

Imagine my excitement when houses started to go on the market last year.   I thought that for sure we'd get families on our street.   Families with kids who would play with my kids so all of our playdates didn't have to be planned and wouldn't always require driving.   I dreamed of being able to just kick open the door and throw my kids out and they'd bike down to a friend's house and play.    Now that they're plenty big enough to do that kind of thing I so wanted it for them. 

So far in the last year 5 houses have sold on my street.  No kids.   Including the 5 bedroom house three doors down.   5 bedrooms...surely it would be a family that bought a 5 bedroom house.   Why would two people need 5 bedrooms?     The last two sold this summer - one house is 2400 sq ft and the other is 3400 sq ft. They were bought by nice couples....in their 60s.    In their freaking 60s.

Unless my kids learn to play shuffleboard they're not going to be able to play with the neighbours. 

The good news

The good news is that many of you will only have to listen to me bitch and moan about taking on more than I can handle for two more weeks.   After that the gig in San Francisco will be over and I will go back to being just normal stress woman rather than this giant ball of majorly stressed dear god make her stop complaining all the time and why did she even think of taking on this gig in the first place woman that I have been all summer.  

The good news is that school starts on Tuesday.    It starts when #1 has to get up at 6am to catch her bus at 6:40 and continues until #3 gets on his bus at 8:10 and #2 gets on his bus at 8:40....2 hours of getting people on buses.   Honest to Pete.   If this district had a brain they'd see what they're doing to people - how do you have that kind of morning and then go to work and try to function?   Um....but school starts on Tuesday and #3 will be in school full time this year....so there's that. 

The good news is that I had a major birthday and so far have not fallen apart.    There were moments when I thought I might.   When it occurred to me that we have lived here for 3 years and I don't actually have any friends who might come to a major birthday party if I were to throw one and that we still live too far for most of our friends or relatives to attend anything like that.   But I'm still alive....so that's nice.  

The good news is that we went van shopping last week.   And I was completely unable to pull the trigger on the van.   The thought of dropping that kind of cash even though we need the space and we could afford it had me wondering if we wouldn't be better off getting new windows for the house or making other changes rather than spending it on a van.   So...I'm still a freak I guess. 

It's possible I overreacted

There's this guy at work....and today I may have reacted a little strongly to him.   He wanted to complain about 'kids today". It did not turn out well for him.  He doesn't have any kids and he really ought to have known better than to squawk to me from his childfree soapbox.   Really.  But it's possible that I tore too large a strip off of him.

I feel sort of bad about it.   Sort of. 

This fellow was already on my radar after our delay in Kansas City.    Following a work gig in Kansas City we ended up in the airport just as one of those KANSAS style thunderstorms descended upon the airport.  

Think "Auntie Em! Auntie Em!".   

Our flight was delayed as were most of the flights out of Kansas City that day.   We were lucky (in retrospect) because our flight couldn't land and so they couldn't load us on it and then tell us we'd be sitting in a tin can on a runway for hours on end.   Instead they just kept pushing back the time - and since we couldn't get on the flight we sat in the airport ..uh...lounge..for hours on end.   We must have been darned near the most obnoxious fun group ever as we ate and drank and drank and ate on the corporate card.    The mugs of beer were of a novelty size and probably meant more as pitchers than mugs.   It didn't stop many of our group from downing more than one.   

Our flight was supposed to leave at 3pm and we were still sitting in the lounge (okay, Bar and Grill) at 9pm.  Yes, it was kind of frustrating to be stuck there and we all missed our families and were tired and wanted to sleep in our own beds....but we were sitting with a pretty fun group of people and drinking and eating and eating and drinking on a corporate card.  

At one point in the evening this fellow comes up and he's obviously been taking advantage of the corporate card and says "I've just texted my friends to tell them that I am in Hell.  This is like a redemption movie and I'm the lead and waiting for redemption"

Dude.   You're sitting in a bar and drinking on a corporate card.   If there's a Hell you are at the furthest point from it.   I know several (many, many, many) who would actually call this Heaven. 

It was at this point that I started to call him Princess. 

So here's Princess today and he's going on about kids in the grocery store.   

"The kids are just freaking out and no one is paying attention to it at all!  Why don't the parents stop it?!!"  

"Well," I says "What you have there is a tiny little snapshot of a tiny little moment.   It's not indicative of the entire parenting philosophy and it's possible that the parent is just praying for strength because they've got a prescription to pick up and they had to bring the child along and it's past nap time but if they don't get the prescription they could die...or something" 

"All I know is that when I was a kid my parents would never have allowed that..."

"It's also possible that it's a long range kind of thing.   Like when my kid is freaking out in the check out and I've just got a few things to go and he starts wailing for a chocolate bar I can give him the chocolate bar to shut him up and keep the other customers happy but then I've got a kid who thinks he can wail and get what he wants...how does that turn out, do you think?" 

"Well...my parents have friends who have kids and they never read to them..."

"Never?  Really?   Have you been in their house and seen the complete lack of books?  No Dr. Seuss? No Sandra Boynton? No Gordon Korman?  No books? " 

"Well..."

"All I'm saying is that it's different on this side of the line and that years and years of sleep deprivation and having to pee with the door open does things to a person and when you have children..."

"I know, you'll laugh at me"

"No Princess...I'll be a shoulder.   Because as awesome as being a parent is, it's also damned hard sometimes...and a little understanding or holding a door when we're carrying a screaming toddler out of a store wouldn't hurt.   Give it some thought. "

all apologies

I come here often you know.   I come here and I stare at this page and I think I ought to write something.   I should make a small attempt to be funny, to be profound, to attempt to be creative and interesting and then I don't.    I type out a few things and delete them.   I think of stories I wanted to tell but they all seem too boring or too dull or too something. 

And so I head back to the laundry or to the fridge or to cleaning out the catbox (I told you the stories would be dull) and I avoid the fact that I have a place to air the stuff in my head.  

The truth is that it's been such an insane summer that it's hard to sort the stuff in my head into neat categories or paragraphs or sweet snippets full of witty stuff that would cheer your day. And so I don't write. I feel awful about it.   I feel awful that this has become one of millions of dusty blogs left to clog the internet with nothing useful to say. 

I feel badly about it.   I do.  

(there is no witty ending to this post....sorry about that) 

I can't be the only mother who ever...

1. Poured beer in a coffee mug to watch the kids play out on the front lawn at 10am...on a Tuesday.

2. Wiped a snotty nose with my sleeve and then rolled it up.

3. Threw away an outfit rather than wash the poop off of it.

4. Counted Cherry Kool Aid as one of their 5 fruits/vegetables for the day.

5. Fed a cold and starved a fever.

6.Dropped a kid off at a birthday party without a present and spent the time they were at the party shopping for and wrapping the present.

7.Sent the kids to bed without a bath. 

8. Used the kids as an excuse to get out of something I didn't want to do.

9. Turned the radio way up to drown out the crying.

10. Dressed a boy in pink sleepers.

11. Painted over the yogurt smeared wall rather than try and wash it off.

12.  "Lost" a particularly irritatingg toy.

13. Did not chase after the bus on the first day of school. 

14. Got my money's worth out of a diaper. 

15. Raided a piggy bank to pay for the pizza.  

Take 9 minutes

and watch this.   It's inspiring and funny and worth it. 

Ellen's Commencement Speech to Tulane University

(no, I'm not ready to start back to blogging just yet - it's crazy busy around here and each time I think I have something interesting to say I lose my train of thought and decide that it wasn't important and that it would only bore you silly....consider yourself lucky...) 

The To Do List

1. Keep studying for next part of training I'm teaching next week.

2. Take dog to veterinarian to figure out what weird bumps are...while there update shots and get flea/tick prevention.  Figure out how to squeeze $200 from a stone.

3. Shop for birthday presents for the 3 parties this weekend.

4. Buy tiny toiletries for plane trip.

5. Take #1 to swimming.

6. Go to mall and try to find suitable business attire that doesn't cost more than I'm making on this training.

7. Clean car.

8. Clean dog.

9. Clean house.

10. Take #2 to baseball practice.

11. Take #3 to soccer practice.

12. Take #2 and #3 to swimming.

13. Go grocery shopping.

14. Make dinner.

15. Clean up after dinner.

16. Yell at #2 for whining about his homework.

17. Apologize (but not really mean it)

18. Read email and discover that bullshit does indeed baffle brains since I passed that teaching exam.   Only two more to go...and several online seminars on abusing children...um...child abuse. 

19. Have mole removed.

20. Attend day long meeting about training next week maybe get answers to important questions like what we're actually doing.

21. Scratch behind.

22. Behind what?   C'mon...you know you were thinking it...

23. Apologize to blog readers for being so flakey lately. 

24. Mean it.

25.  Go to bed....